volcano erupting at night with a starry sky behind volcano erupting at night with a starry sky behind volcano erupting at night with a starry sky behind volcano erupting at night with a starry sky behind

The Sacrifice

President Donald J. Trump has launched an exciting new initiative! Each state will select its most promising virgin to compete in a national pageant. The honored winner will then be hurled into a volcano. This offering will insure lower taxes and military victories, and keep America great. From now until the 4th of July, each week contestants will be narrowed down in the ultimate reality TV show! It's gonna be yuuge!

Week 1: March 6, 2017

In this week's episode, host Jerry Falwell, Jr. reminded us all that "Nothing of spiritual significance comes without sacrifice. Your spirituality will always be measured by the size of your sacrifice." Indeed. We were introduced to the 50 contestants. They were all asked the profound question: what inspired you to participate in this noble enterprise? Some of their answers follow.

From Delaware: "I'm happy to play any small part that I can to support our troops, to whom we owe so much."

From Wisconsin: "I'm so excited to have the opportunity to give my life, and my virginity, to my country!"

From Texas: "My virginity is my most prized possession. I've been saving it to give to someone special, but what could be more special than giving it to our Creator?"

Week 2: March 13, 2017

This week, the judges continue to get to know the contestants. But before we go any further, it’s time to meet the host and judges of our show!

Our Host

Scott BaioOur host needs no introduction, the renowned American Actor, Scott Baio, beloved star of the unforgettable television show "Joanie Loves Chachi!"

Our Judges

Chris ChristieNew Jersey Governor Chris Christie: Still hoping for a spot in Trump’s cabinet, Gov. Christie is trying to work his way up. Although many feel that taking part in The Sacrifice is honor enough for anyone.

Sarah PalinSarah Palin: Who could be more of an expert on beauty, virginity, and patriotism, than the lovely 2008 candidate for Vice President. As Gov. Palin famously said in her endorsement of Donald Trump, “Mr. Trump, you’re right, look back there in the press box. Heads are spinning, media heads are spinning. This is going to be so much fun.”

Kid Rock wearing sunglasses and cowboy hatKid Rock: Music star who produced the patriotic t-shirts, “God, guns, and Trump!” The Sacrifice isn’t just a beauty contest, and we need the kind of intellect on our panel that can find the good reasons to display the Confederate flag.

Week 3: March 20, 2017

Controversey!

mouse

A contingent of families from Puerto Rico approached the producers of The Sacrifice to demand that they be included in the pageant. Their claim: since Puerto Rico is a territory of the United States, Puerto Ricans are United States citizens, and should have a place in the pageant. The producers conceded that while there are some Puerto Ricans who are light-skinned enough to pass as Americans, the fact that they primarily speak Spanish detracts from the perfection required for the best possible candidate. As one producer put it, "If they want to be considered as true Americans, at the very least they should learn to speak American." Another pointed out that the American flag has 50 stars on it, not 51. Final ruling: there will not be a candidate from Puerto Rico.

The question was raised if the same logic applies to women from the Virgin Islands, and the producers pointed out that those women have an unfair advantage, and will be allowed to have their own pageant, should they like. In an effort not to miss any qualified candidates, women from Washington, D.C. were allowed to enter the pageants from either Virginia or Maryland.

Week 4: April 3, 2017

Bad hombres!

cartoon drawing of stereotypically Mexican man with moustache and big hat

The Sacrifice took a week off, but we were working hard to create an addition to our website, video games! Help President Trump fight off the terrorists in Bad Hombres! Help Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III make America white again! And see Kellyanne Conway's kittens!

The judges quizzed the contestants on current events. When asked about recent reports that figures in Russian President Putin's government, and business associates, had been meeting with members of the Trump administration even before Trump took office, Miss Iowa responded, "Well of course the Russians want to support President Trump! The Russians are the ones who brought freedom to the Crimea, and want to work with President Trump to do more of the same!" Miss Iowa, you do your state proud.

When Miss Kentucky was asked for her opinion concerning the likelihood that Obama had wire-tapped President Trump during the campaign, although no evidence had been given, she pointedly answered, "The fact that you even have to ask is proof enough of the liberal conspiracy that's strangling the media. Who needs evidence when you've got the truth?" Point taken.

Week 5: April 10, 2017

Darlin', you're so pretty, we just like to hear you talk!

man crushed under giant flyswatter

This last week, contractors around the country submitted their proposals for the wall across the Mexican border. In that spirit, we thought we'd ask the contestants to do the same, and see what they came up with. We were impressed with their ingenuity and creativity. Miss Alabama suggested a fire along the top of the entire wall, fueled with oil and natural gas. Not bad! Miss Wisconsin suggested electrifying the entire wall, so that anyone who touched it would immediately be electrocuted. The judges responded enthusiastically until she continued by saying the power could be generated with solar energy, at which point she was immediately eliminated from the competition. (She'll be sent back home for observation.) Miss Oklahoma suggested painting the American flag repeatedly across the wall, as a show of strength. Miss Georgia suggested stocking the Rio Grande with piranhas and alligators, which has appeal, but could be thwarted with poison. Miss Tennessee suggested building a 100 foot tall net across the top of the wall, to stop anyone who might try to catapult across. Miss Rhode Island suggested a series of giant fly swatters, operated by border patrol, to squish anyone trying to climb over. This might not be feasible, but darlin', you're so pretty, we just like to hear you talk!

Next week, elimination rounds will commence. Be sure to watch to see who makes the cut!

Week 6: April 17, 2017

Like little mice

mouse

photo from Flickr, by Mus Musculus

With so many contestants, the judges have been using the opening weeks of the competition to make sure they've had a chance to get to know them all. With the exception of Miss Wisconsin, who was eliminated from competition after her, shall we say, surprising comments regarding so-called "green energy", there have been no elimination rounds. The judges have had a marvelous time meeting with all these splendid girls, but beginning this week the judges will begin the sad but necessary task of narrowing down the field.

Each contestant was assigned to a different grade school in the Los Angeles school system as a substitute teacher for a week. Their mission: to see who could uncover the most illegal children, and send them back to their countries of origin. As Miss New Mexico charmingly pointed out, "Sure, those kids are cute and all, just like little mice who get into your house. But as cute as mice can be, you still have to set traps for them to get rid of them, or they'll end up taking over your entire house!" We agree completely. The girls have done great service to this end. Certainly, some areas of Los Angeles have higher concentrations of illegals than others, so the judges focused on the ingenuity of approaches.

Miss Arizona was able to use her knowledge of Spanish to gain the confidence of some of the children, providing addresses to ICE. Miss Tennessee suggested that rather than snatch the kids at school, it would be better to wait for their parents to pick them up, and get the whole family. Miss Maine volunteered to help one family with their farm work over the weekend, gaining access to information on many illegal families. Score!

In the end, some contestants were a bit more inspired than others. Miss Illinois seemed a little too... friendly with some of the school children, and we had to let her go. Miss California and Miss New York, bless their hearts, may be a little too soft-hearted to do what's required, but we wish them luck. Rounding out the 5 eliminations for this round were Vermont, and, as mentioned earlier, Wisconsin.

Week 7: April 24, 2017

"There's always someone lookin' at you uh oh uh oh..."

modern kitchen

photo from Flickr, by Stephen Harris

This week, the contestants were asked to lend a hand to prove President Trump’s charge that the Obama administration was wiretapping President Trump’s phones. Our show’s crew built a replica of the Trump kitchen in Trump tower. Listening devices were installed throughout, and the girls were allowed in, one at a time, to see who could spot the most devices.

Miss Utah was offended by the very premise that proof was even necessary. “President Trump always tells the truth. There’s nothing to prove.” Nonetheless, politics being what they are, the others realized that the liberals weren’t going to be satisfied with the truth. Miss Connecticut said, “I’m not an engineer, but I know that that radio can hear what I’m saying.” Miss Wyoming was in tears, counting no less than 15,487 listening devices. “They’re everywhere!” Miss Nevada was ready to melt down the silverware to look for embedded devices, but the point was plain: you never know where those liberals might be hiding.

Miss Rhode Island was eliminated after commenting, “I thought the FBI investigated this thing, and couldn’t find anything…” Miss Minnesota mentioned that her daddy always said, “Why would you have to worry about the government listening in on you if you’re not doing anything wrong?” but that was the wrong thing to say. Oregon, Washington State, and Delaware rounded out this week’s eliminations.

Week 8: May 1, 2017

"Spot the Muslim!"

President Obama waving to large crowd

In a test that proved to be simpler than we expected, we asked the contestants to spot the Muslim in this crowd shot. Everyone spotted Obama (the man waving), and quite a few spotted others in the crowd besides that. It was an enjoyable week, but sadly, we had to choose five more contestants to leave, and so we say goodbye to New Hampshire, Nevada, Connecticut, Massachusetts, and North Carolina.

"They're not... leaving..."

In the last three episodes, the pageant has eliminated contestants, as it must, in its search for the perfect sacrifice. The producers knew that the girls had become a close-knit group, but were nonetheless surprised to learn that the contestants who have been eliminated have not gone home. Apparently, early in the pageant all of the girls formed a prayer group, which they have maintained throughout. In recent weeks, their studies have focused on a passage from the Book of Revelations that they feel has particular significance to President Trump:

“Now a great sign appeared in heaven: a woman, adorned with the sun, standing on the moon, and with the twelve stars on her head for a crown. She was pregnant, and in labor, crying aloud in the pangs of childbirth. Then a second sign appeared in the sky, a huge red dragon which had seven heads and ten horns, and each of the seven heads crowned with a coronet. Its tail dragged a third of the stars from the sky, and dropped them to the earth, and the dragon stopped in front of the woman as she was having the child, so that he could eat it as soon as it was born from its mother. The mother brought a male child into the world, the son who was to rule all the nations with an iron sceptor, and the child was taken straight up to God and to his throne, while the woman escaped into the desert…” 12: 1-6

There are whispers that this passage is seen as a sign of President Trump’s divine origins, and that the liberal media is seen as the dragon, ready to devour him. Where this leads, we’re not sure, but it’s an unexpected development.

Week 9: May 8, 2017

"It's a great way to monetize sickness!"

medical cudaceous in form of a dollar sign

This week, we thought we'd ask the the contestants to get into "the act" and propose their own revisions to the Health Care Act. Miss Mississippi proposed a government loan program for people to pay medical bills, along the lines of student loans. "The interest from those loans would be a great way to monetize sickness."

Another proposed a national prayer program. "Sure, God might be inclined to forget about someone who doesn't know a lot of people to pray for them, but if you organized the praying power of 300 million Americans, God would make sure to bestow healing powers on everyone!"

Miss South Carolina suggested we get rid of insurance entirely. "It's too bad when people get sick, but it's not my fault they get cancer, so why should I pay for it? Like Speaker Paul Ryan said, it's not fair for young healthy people to fund the medical bills of old, sick people."

Miss Texas had an interesting scheme: government insurance for those who can't afford private insurance. When they get sick, their rates quadruple. This will provide incentive for poor people to stay healthy. The money from the increased premiums will go toward a tax rebate for people who buy private insurance, which will allow them to purchase more stuff, which will make the economy better for everyone. A rising tide lifts all boats!

"How did they get in?"

It's becoming increasingly difficult to choose contestants to leave, but the judges agreed to let Miss Idaho, Miss Colorado, Miss Montana, Miss Michigan, and Miss Kentucky go. The girls did not appear to be distressed, and indeed, were handed crowns as they made their way backstage, by former contestants. Pageant officials were not sure how the past contestants were allowed in, but when they asked the girls to leave, the girls responded, "We're the locusts who rose from the abyss. God commands our presence here." The producers, not wanting to create an incident, instructed security to let them stay.

Week 10: May 15, 2017

"Yowza!"

figure of a woman with insect wings

The girls’ skills have been tested in many ways throughout the competition, but this week the show shifted gears a bit: the much-anticipated bathing suit competition! It was a dazzling display! One of the judges was heard to exclaim, “Wow! These girls are all virgins? What a waste!”

There was one distressing incident this week, however. A disparaging drawing of our great President was found in Miss Wyoming’s locker. She insisted furiously that she had been set up by someone else. We hate to think that any of the girls could do such a thing.

In what’s becoming a backstage ritual, the eliminated contestants (Miss Wyoming, Miss Maryland, Miss Virginia, Miss North Dakota, and Miss New Jersey) were each given crowns and a shirt with a strange image: some kind of winged creature. Once again, all previous contestants were assembled backstage, all wearing the same crowns and shirts. No one knows how the girls make it past security. They joined hands and chanted, “Victory to our God, who sits on the throne, and to the Lamb!”

Week 11: May 22, 2017

"No politician in history... has been treated worse, or more unfairly."

text reading The Jew York Times

This week President Trump correctly pointed out that there’s never been a president treated more unfairly in the press than him. So this week, in a test of knowledge of the enemy press, we asked the girls to present some of these lies. This list will be presented to Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, in hopes that it can be used in the prosecution of liars in the media.

"President Trump asked top intelligence officials to publicly deny collusion between the Trump campaign and Russia"

“President Trump revealed top secret intelligence to the Russians.”

“Presidnt Trump asked James Comey to shut down the investigation into Mike Flynn’s connections to the Russians.”

“President Trump fired James Comey to take pressure off the investigation into ties with the Russians.”

“There is someone in the current White House who helped coordinate Russian influence on the Trump campaign.”

“The travel ban was a ban on Muslims.”

“President Trump bragged about grabbing women by the pussy.”

“President Trump has gone bankrupt 6 times.”

“President Trump has stiffed thousands of contractors.”

“The crowd at President Trump's inauguration was smaller than the crowd at the Women’s March.”

“President Trump has small hands.”

“President Trump has performed sex acts with cockroaches.”

The judges were very sorry to have to dismiss 5 more contestants, Miss New Mexico, Miss Maine Arizona, Miss Oklahoma, Miss Ohio, and Miss Pennsylvania. Although, as we've seen, no one has been truly dismissed...

Week 12: May 29, 2017

"...this is the time for the marriage of the Lamb."

white wedding dress spread out on a bedPhoto courtesy of S.Tore, Flickr.com

Because America is a Christian nation, it's fitting that the contestants be tested on their knowledge of the Bible. This seemed simple enough, but there was a strange twist: no matter what question was asked, each contestant quoted passages from the Book of Revelation. One that came up repeatedly: "The mother brought a male child into the world, the son who was to rule all the nations with an iron scepter, and the child was taken straight up to God and to his throne..." (12:5-6) Another that inspired what can only be described as rapture: "...this is the time for the marriage of the Lamb. His bride is ready, and she has been able to dress herself in dazzling white linen, because her linen is made of the good deeds of the saints." (19:7-8) Also, "Happy are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb." (19:9)

The contestants who were eliminated this week were Miss Alaska, Miss Hawaii, Miss Wyoming, Miss Utah, and Miss Nebraska.

Week 13: June 5, 2017

"It's only the fake religions that will be outlawed!"

crucifix on top of the U.S. capitol buildingPhoto courtesy of Dan4th Nicholas and Erik Drost, Flickr.com

This week’s challenge was to ask the contestants what amendments they would like to see written into the Constitution of the United States. Miss South Dakota pointed out that while the Bible is the word of God, the Constitution is only man’s attempt to serve God, and is thus likely to be imperfect. But in that spirit, she proposed that there be an amendment proclaiming that Christianity be the national religion of America, and that all other religions be abolished. When asked which denomination she would propose take that role, she responded, “Oh, I still believe in freedom of religion— it’s only the fake religions that will be outlawed. I suppose the Supreme Court will have to decide when someone gets a little… sacriligious.” Miss Texas proposed that Trump be allowed to be President forever. “After all, it’s what the American people want!” Miss Louisiana proposed a “business-friendly” bill of rights, since corporations are, after all, people. All excellent ideas!

Former contestants are becoming a problem. Security found some former contestants on the scene, wearing crowns and the Locust logo on their shirts, and asked them to leave. They refused. When security attempted to escort them out, the girls swarmed around the guards, and stung them with something that caused the guards to crumple to the ground in agony. Security was simply outnumbered. As before, the girls responded, “We're the locusts who rose from the abyss. God commands our presence here.”

It's getting really tough now to have to eliminate contestants, but nonetheless, the judges reluctantly thanked Miss Iowa, Miss Kansas, Miss Indiana, Miss South Dakota, and Miss Missouri.

Week 14: June 12, 2017

"No one really believes that Melania is having relations with the President!"

Trump in super hero outfit and capeDrawing by Miss Alabama

We're down to the top 10 contestants! The best of the best! Any of these girls could break your heart, and it's going to break our hearts to have to let any of these fine ladies go, but today's episode will whittle the pool down to the Final Five. From those five, in an extended two-week episode, our Great Leader will choose the ultimate Sacrifice.

But first: this week's episode. The judges thought it was time to explore the contestants' artistic side, and what better subject than our Great Leader? Each girl was asked to paint a portrait that best expressed the love, the power, the intelligence, and the incredible charisma of President Trump. Each contestant confided that this was their favorite challenge of the entire series. Miss Louisiana painted a portrait of herself in a bridal gown, marrying President Trump. When it was pointed out that the President is already married, she replied, "Oh, no one really believes that Melania is having relations with the President. She's serving as a noble caretaker until the Bride of The Lamb has been chosen and prepared. It's all in the Bible!" The judges, visibly nervous, moved on to other entries. Miss South Carolina suggested that her portrait of the President could be used as a new American flag. An interesting thought...

It did break our hearts, but the judges, sadly, had to ask Miss Texas, Miss Florida, Miss Louisiana, Miss Tennessee, and Miss West Virginia to leave the competition. This leaves Miss Alabama, Miss Arkansas, Miss Georgia, Miss Mississippi, and Miss South Carolina as the finalists. Our Great Leader will spend the next two weeks getting to know them, preparing himself to make the important decision on which so much rests. God be with you, Mr. President!

Week 15: June 19, 2017

"We can’t restore our civilization with somebody else's babies."

the Mar-a-Lago estateThe Mar-a-Lago estate

We are down to the five finalists. To make sure that our Great Leader has time enough to make this critical decision, the pageant will take two weeks for a special, extended episode of The Sacrifice. This will allow one week for the winner to prepare for the dramatic 4th of July ceremony.

For this week and next, our show has relocated to Mar-a-Lago, in order that our Great Leader will be able to spend the time necessary to get to know the finalists. Only His judgement can be trusted to choose the right candidate, the offering that will help to make America great again. He has diligently spent time with the girls each day, seeking insight. Miss Alabama charmed the President when she said, “If I’m not chosen for this honor, my ambition would be to make as many babies as possible, because, as Congressman Steve King said, ‘We can’t restore our civilization with somebody else’s babies.’ ” Several of the girls said they looked forward to marrying the President. When our Great Leader protested that He was already married, the girls recited, “This is the time for the marriage of the Lamb. His bride is ready, and she has been able to dress herself in dazzling white linen.” The President seemed confused, and asked, “Lamb? What lamb?” And the girls all said the same thing: “The Lamb is the Lord of lords and the King of kings…” , then bowed before Him. He replied, “Not that I’d mind! Wow! I'd love to marry every one of you! But girls, what about the Sacrifice?” To which they replied, “Happy are those who are invited to the wedding feast of the Lamb.” The President simply smiled.

Week 16: June 26, 2017

The Sacrifice has been chosen!

blond-haired young womanphoto credit: Begemot dn, Flickr.com

Our Great Leader, after a great deal of thought, introspection, and prayer, has made His final decision. In a solemn ceremony, the President announced the first-ever Sacrifice: Miss Alabama. She will spend the next week preparing for the momentous July 4th ceremony. The remaining finalists rushed to her side; all were weeping and laughing joyously. In a not-entirely unexpected appearance, all previous candidates came to the stage, wearing golden crowns and shirts emblazened with the strange logo of a woman in armor, and tail of a scorpion. The cohort handed gold crowns to the four unchosen finalists, and a beautiful white wedding dress to Miss Alabama. Security, wary of the painful stings they received in prior weeks at the hands of the young girls, did not attempt to stop them, but only kept them at a distance from our Great Leader. "Don’t worry about them, Mr. President," assured Miss Alabama, "They’re the locusts I'm sure you’ve read about."

"The locusts, huh? Those are some gorgeous locusts!"
"As foretold in the Book of Revelations. They're here to help me prepare for the wedding to the Lamb."
"Again with the lamb business! What's all this about a lamb?"
"Oh Mr. President, you don't have to be modest with us. It’s obvious that you’re the King of kings, the Lord of lords. And you have chosen me, April from Alabama, to be your bride. The Bible has never been more clear! The time has come!"

After the episode, our Great Leader met with the producers of the show, inquiring as to why previous contestants kept returning. "They keep talking about locusts! What the hell is going on? I understand that they want to marry me— who wouldn't? But we need the Sacrifice." The producers pointed out that the show's ratings seemed to be helped by the appearance of the "locusts". They have one week to sort things out for next week's final episode.

Week 17: July 11, 2017

"You can't shoot her! She has to be sacrificed!"

fire erupting from the mouth of a volcanoPhoto by Rueben Bedingfield, Flickr.com

The world was stunned by last week's events. What was to be the final and solemn ceremony, hurling the winner of the first-ever Sacrifice pageant into a volcano, did not go as planned. Viewers of the show, and indeed, the entire nation, are still trying to piece together exactly what happened.

The chosen Sacrifice, Jessie Davis of Alabama, daughter of Rosemary and Bob Davis, had a made a tearful farewell to her family, and joined our Great Leader on stage. He reminded the audience, "We cannot express the depth of our gratitude to Jessie and her parents. Since our great nation was founded in 1776, it's been clear that we’ve been blessed by God. It's only fitting that we make an offering in return for God's good graces."

A platform had been erected at the mouth of the volcano. The Marine Corps Band played the national anthem. The President turned to Jessie, and embraced her. At that moment, the previous contestants, who called themselves the Locusts, swarmed around the pair, moving them off the stage. They dressed Jessie in a dazzling white wedding gown. Secret Service agents tried to stop them, but were stung by something the girls held in their hands, and crumpled to the ground in agony. Some agents pulled their guns, but were afraid to shoot because the President was at the center of the mass of girls. The President shouted, "Nooo! You can't shoot her! She has to be sacrificed!" Jessie was heard to scream, "Yes, Lord, yes! I'm ready to come! Oh, Yes! Yes!" What looked like two bodies were seen to fall into the mouth of the volcano in a white blur, and the Secret Service agents frantically searched the crowd. The Locusts joined hands and began to sing.

Our Great Leader was not available immediately afterward for comment. A spokesperson told the press, "The President has had quite a day, and has retired for the evening. He wishes to once again thank Jessie and her parents for the great and noble Sacrifice that will help to make America great again!" Our Great Leader turned up in Washington a few days later, with no explanation as to where he had been. "I really don't want to talk about it." Oddly, the President has not sent out any tweets since his return, and he seems… different… paler than usual, perhaps thinner. "Don't worry, folks,” he said to the press, "everything's under control."

 

 

 

Photo credits:

All photos are from Flickr.com, Creative Commons License.

  • Image of volcano: Rule Brtannia1
  • Image of Sarah Palin: Gage Skidmore
  • Alabama: Begemot dn
  • Alaska: Always shooting
  • Arizona: Ann Gearhart
  • Arkansas: Bardia Photography
  • California: Adam Jones
  • Colorado: Birdy 206
  • Connecticut: Bradfordst219
  • Delaware: Brian-McCarthy
  • Florida: Cait S
  • Georgia: Charlot West
  • Hawaii: Chris Hunkeler
  • Idaho: Cristee Dickson
  • Illinois: Emerson Quinn
  • Indiana: Hayden Beaumont
  • Iowa: Hernan Pinnera
  • Kansas: HoneyOnline
  • Kentucky: Jason Pier in DC
  • Louisiana: Jeffrey Pott
  • Maine: Joel Galbraith
  • Maryland: John Polivolaris
  • Massachusetts: Jorge Saad
  • Michigan: Lauren Kisner
  • Minnesota: Mihhailov
  • Mississippi: Miss A
  • Missouri: Nick Savchenko
  • Montana: Or Hiltch
  • Nebraska: Patriziasoliani
  • Nevada: phuket@photographer.net
  • New Hampshire: Portrait 24 Norm Chen IMOT
  • New Jersey: Ricardo Liberato
  • New Mexico: Richard Foster
  • New York: Ricky Tang
  • North Carolina: Sandra Teusnik
  • North Dakota: Sangudo
  • Ohio: Sangudo
  • Oklahoma: Sara Ashley
  • Oregon: Stephen Bradley
  • Pennsylvania: Victor Semionov
  • Rhode Island: Vladimir Pustovit
  • South Carolina: Vladimir Pustovit
  • South Dakota: Vladimir Pustovit
  • Tennessee: Vladimir Pustovit
  • Texas: Vladimir Pustovit
  • Utah: Vladimir Pustovit
  • Vermont: Vladimir Pustovit
  • Virginia: Walter
  • Washington: Wbeem
  • West Virginia: Eileen Inca
  • Wisconsin: Wim Vandenbussche
  • Wyoming: Yuri Samoilov
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I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To make sure the Russians stay our friends.

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

I had a vision that Donald Trump's hair burst into flames, and the flames spoke to me, and told me to enter this contest.

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To defeat Communism.

pretty young woman sash reading Nevada

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

I want to follow Christ’s example.

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

I always wanted to be famous.

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To get to meet President Trump.

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

I have a brother in the army, and I want him to be safe.

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To help America return to Jesus.

pretty young woman sash reading North Carolina

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To keep billionaires from having to give up their God-given money to the evil of taxes.

pretty young woman sash reading North Dakota

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To restore the Constitution to the way it was before we had the Internet.

pretty young woman sash reading Ohio

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To get rid of Obamacare.

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To inspire the unemployed.

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To honor the memory of Barry Goldwater.

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To put an end to Planned Parenthood.

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To put an end to Sesame Street.

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To make sure lesbians don’t take over the world.

pretty young woman sash reading South Dakota

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To make sure people have the freedom to choose whatever Christian denomination they like.

pretty young woman sash reading Tennessee

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To defeat the Jewish cabal that’s taken over the media.

pretty young woman sash reading Texas

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To make school prayer a requirement.

pretty young woman sash reading Utah

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To show that climate change is a hoax.

pretty young woman sash reading Vermont

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

For fewer regulations.

pretty young woman sash reading Virginia

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To eradicate the scourge of girls using the wrong bathrooms.

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

My sister lost her sight when she was a little girl, and if I win, I’m hoping she’ll get her sight back.

pretty young woman sash reading West Virginia

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

Winning will make me prettier.

pretty young woman sash reading Wisconsin

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To honor the memory of John Birch.

pretty young woman sash reading Wyoming

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I love America!

I love Jesus!

I love President Trump!

Reason I entered:

To show those Muslims the proper way to treat women!

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